Empathy

Empathy is a funny word.  Commonly mistaken with sympathy, empathy is not only recognizing the feelings or situation of another, but actually feeling and absorbing the emotions that the other is experiencing.  When I was in high school, I seemed to bring home the 'stray cats' of friends. Girls who had trouble at home and didn't want to be there felt comfortable at my house. My parents had been married forever and I was the oldest of my siblings so my place was 'normal' and of course my natural maternal instincts came early.

I had a girlfriend with divorced parents who suffered from depression (not that either of us knew that at the time, but now she would be easily diagnosed) and severe mood swings. Once she started down that spiral, everything and everyone she encountered was awful and pushed her further down. At 14 she was already doing drugs, drinking and smoking like a chimney. I thought she was cool. I would go home after spending a weekend at her apartment (because her mom was never home) and feel so irritatingly normal, with normal boring parents who were home all the time, little brother and sister running around the house, and it would actually get me down. I was conflicted because deep down inside I knew I was not unhappy, but I could not shake feeling the negative, sad, emotions that my friend felt.

I realize now that it was empathy, I was (and still am) like a sponge who absorbs the emotions of those around me, especially those I care about.  This of course had made raising puberty-infected teenagers a complete nightmare. I can walk in the door happy as can be and one kid walks by with a bad attitude and it is like running straight into a brick wall.  The good news is that I understand those feelings a little better these days which helps immensely.